Patriotism is not enough.

Dear Presidential Aspirant,

I don't need you to start off your speech with how much you love America. We all love America. All of us involved in the political process, donkey or elephant, are engaged in it because we love America. Your implication is clear: only you and your present company truly love America and you are gathered here today to defend her from the rest of us. Which is a crock.

Here's what I want from my politicians, especially would-be presidential candidates.

Dignity and decency. If you are having extramarital sex, writing lewd emails to underage male pages or creating blackmail fodder for yourself by doing the nasty on film, guess what. It will out. It always does. You could bring down your party along with your sorry behind. Don't run for anything. Well OK. Run for for cover. The Enquirer's coming.

You have to be smarter than me. If I can see the gigantic pothole in your thought process, that is not a good thing. I am smart, but I am certainly not smart enough to be president. If you are not brighter than I am, neither are you.

The ability to think on your feet. No, I don't care too much about verbal jousting though it's fun to follow. I mean have a grasp of the facts and understand how things interrelate. If you are running for president or vice president, I expect you to know your stuff enough that you can go on Meet the Press, a right of passage nobody gets to blow off. This means you, Sarah Palin. And while I'm at it, darling, I want to thank you for inspiring this entire rant. Credit where credit is due.

Which brings me to honor. A quaint concept, I know. If you were elected to do a job, then do it. Don't quit after two years "for the good of your state" and then think you can run for president for the good of the country. (Sarah, are your ears burning?).

A knowledge of history. Because it's true that it repeats itself. No, of course not literally, but you see patterns of behavior, tactics that have backfired, cruelty, greed and hubris - all opportunities to learn and therefore act more judiciously. I want you to understand our allies and enemies. What they may owe us in treasure or gratitude, what we may have done to piss them off, how we get along with their rivals, what our balance of trade is, what kind of a human rights record they have, whether they're in bed with people we don't like... I want you to already know all this. That would indicate that you are truly intellectually committed to Presidential leadership. You're INTERESTED in this stuff.

Personal experience with diversity. Know and interact with people who are culturally, sexually and ethnically different from you, and have friends and acquaintances from other nations. It's essential to factor in cultural relativity when you conduct foreign policy. It's also important that you don't perceive yourself as the leader of only the part of America that looks and thinks like you. In your heart, you must understand that you represent everyone.

Class. Of course, it would be nice if you had some. But I'm talking about class as a barrier to advancement and a predictor of poverty. You need to know how much people struggle, and care about it deeply. The fact that there are children in America who miss dinner on a regular basis should enrage you.

I know you're going to spin things - you're a politician. So spin away, but I ask that everything you say be grounded in truth. Don't ever lie to me or lie about your opponent. You will earn my lasting contempt.

It's important to me that you not think your candidacy is divinely ordained. People who "know" what God thinks or wants terrify me, and I certainly don't want one running the country. Whether or not you believe is your business and something only you would know.

I need to be sure that you are motivated by what's good for this country, not what's best for you.

Finally, can you look in the mirror and believe that you are up to the task of running the most powerful nation in the world? If that's not the case, then why are you running? And how much can you really love America?