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Like Snideties? Check out my other blog, Eucalyptus Way. Generally more personal and meditative.
http://eucalyptusway.blogspot.com/

My Semi-Jewish Identity

I am the wrong half Jewish. My Jewishness doesn't come from matriarchal, and therefore undeniable, lineage. The Russian/Polish Jewish genes are my father's. Not that he is in any way religious. My father is an avowed free thinker, all the while keeping encyclopedic tabs on all successful Jews, half-Jews and quarter-Jews. I think it alleviates some of his guilt over eating pig's feet and marrying a shiksa. I didn't go to a Seder until I was fifteen. It was at the home of my father's uncle Jack, who was married to my aunt Elinor, sister of Martin Landau. (Yes, the one from Crimes and Misdemeanors. No, I've never met him.) I was self-conscious because I had no idea what to expect and no understanding of the ritual's symbolic significance. I suspect my great aunt and uncle felt a little sorry for my sister and me for being such clueless goyettes.

While hardly the most kosher of Jews, I have been mistaken for a full fledged member of the tribe. I have blue eyes and olive skin, courtesy of my grandmother, Momma Paula. Thick curly hair, probably a legacy from my grandfather Poppa Irving though he was bald by the time I came along. A decidedly Jewish tinge to my humor, via my acerbic Aunt Bunny. And a thankfully more feminine version of my father's considerable nose. I think civilization would lose a portion of its depth, flavor and sophistication without Jews like Sigmund Freud, Lou Reed, Einstein, David Mamet, Barbra Streisand, Daniel Day-Lewis, Maurice Sendak, Dylan, Jon Stewart, JD Salinger, Elie Wiesel, Paul Newman, Sarah Silverman – I could go on and on. I love the work ethic, values and achievements of the Jewish culture. I am proud to be half Jewish, even if it's the wrong half.

All this to say that I take it personally when Bat Puchanan decides his big issue with the nomination of Elena Kagan is that there are enough Jews on the Supreme Court. Gee, on the one hand, conservatives decry affirmative action to help Blacks, and then they turn around and want a quota against Jews. I guess the idea is to support whatever will keep the most minorities down. Isn't "a level playing field" what the Republicans said they wanted? To try to evaluate someone's judicial decisions based on their presumed faith is dangerous and unreliable. I don't know if Kagan is a good or bad choice – I lack the expertise to judge. I just want her vetted on criteria more relevant than the fact that she was bat-mitzva'd.

As if that were not enough, Ann Coulter has been foaming at the mouth again, this time in an interview with Donny Deutsch. Deutsch asked her outright if it would be better if we were all Christians. It was a locked and loaded question and Coulter put her mouth around the rifle. She agreed that America would be a better place if we were all Christian and invited Donny to church. ( How can a grown man go by Donny? On the other hand, let's think about this. Donald is awful, associated with ducks and rich boors with combovers. Don, well, Don Draper is redeeming that one, but that's recent. Before Mad Men, Don was the suburban dork next door. So yeah, I get the Donny thing.) But back to Ann. Beef jerky blonde Coulter explained to the dumbstruck Donny that Jews needed to be perfected and become Christians. Donny was rightfully shocked.

I'm shocked too, and not just at the implication that Ann Coulter is somehow "perfect". Please tell me anti-semitism is not going through some retro-chic revival. I want to believe our society has evolved beyond the days of A Gentleman's Agreement. I know there are klansmen and skinheads and other creeps out there with leather-bound editions of The Protocols of the Elders of Zion, but I'd like to believe they are a lunatic fringe. I don't begrudge Ann Coulter her religion. But faith is faith, and it's personal. It can't trump the collective reality of a diverse society. Ann needs to balance her faith with the understanding that it's still a subjective belief system and not try to impose her perspective on everyone. Believers and doubters like me can coexist and even be great friends, but not if we strive to remake each other. You can pray to Jesus, Allah or Yahweh. You can chant, or meditate, or not pray at all. Ultimately, what matters is your menschitude.

Scrod.

So what is Scrod, exactly? Haddock? Whitefish? Pollock? Cod? All of the above? Some sources define it simply as "immature" fish - the veal of the sea. In Cape Cod, where my parents used to have a summer cottage, scrod is simply the catch of the day - white, breaded and hopefully, fresh. But to my sister and I, scrod was a state of being. This used to be our lame joke as kids, when we'd be lobbying for pizza and our parents would pick a seafood restaurant and make us eat fish. We'd groan, look at each other and mutter "We're scrod."

Lately, it's occurred to me that we could use more scrod in the vernacular. And not because it's more genteel than "screwed,". When Katrina hit, and New Orleans was left to sink or swim, you might say they were screwed by FEMA and "heckuva job" Brownie. (You could also find some weird reason to blame the Almighty but we have Pat Robertson for that.) 1,836 people died in the hurricane but the survivors kept on keeping on, making gumbo, playing music, and selling real estate to Brangelina. But what about now that the Big Easy is getting coated in petroleum goo? What about the barrier wetlands that were in the process of being rehabilitated and are once again ruined? The three species of endangered sea turtles that may no longer be endangered because they're probably all dead? The lines forming for ten dollar an hour jobs cleaning up beach tar for BP, aka Big Polluter, because the fishing, shrimp and oyster industries have been destroyed?

This time, there's no picking themselves up and pluckily persevering. New Orleans hasn't just been screwed. It's been gutted, scraped, battered and totally fried. New Orleans, and the entire Gulf Coast, is scrod.