Moe' Hotter

OK, Ga Ga. I get the whole post modern throw-all-the-visual-influences-up-in-the-air-and-see-where-they-land mashup thing. But since when is it considered hot to for a man to have hair like Moe from the Three Stooges?

Meet my other blog.

Like Snideties? Check out my other blog, Eucalyptus Way. Generally more personal and meditative.
http://eucalyptusway.blogspot.com/

My Semi-Jewish Identity

I am the wrong half Jewish. My Jewishness doesn't come from matriarchal, and therefore undeniable, lineage. The Russian/Polish Jewish genes are my father's. Not that he is in any way religious. My father is an avowed free thinker, all the while keeping encyclopedic tabs on all successful Jews, half-Jews and quarter-Jews. I think it alleviates some of his guilt over eating pig's feet and marrying a shiksa. I didn't go to a Seder until I was fifteen. It was at the home of my father's uncle Jack, who was married to my aunt Elinor, sister of Martin Landau. (Yes, the one from Crimes and Misdemeanors. No, I've never met him.) I was self-conscious because I had no idea what to expect and no understanding of the ritual's symbolic significance. I suspect my great aunt and uncle felt a little sorry for my sister and me for being such clueless goyettes.

While hardly the most kosher of Jews, I have been mistaken for a full fledged member of the tribe. I have blue eyes and olive skin, courtesy of my grandmother, Momma Paula. Thick curly hair, probably a legacy from my grandfather Poppa Irving though he was bald by the time I came along. A decidedly Jewish tinge to my humor, via my acerbic Aunt Bunny. And a thankfully more feminine version of my father's considerable nose. I think civilization would lose a portion of its depth, flavor and sophistication without Jews like Sigmund Freud, Lou Reed, Einstein, David Mamet, Barbra Streisand, Daniel Day-Lewis, Maurice Sendak, Dylan, Jon Stewart, JD Salinger, Elie Wiesel, Paul Newman, Sarah Silverman – I could go on and on. I love the work ethic, values and achievements of the Jewish culture. I am proud to be half Jewish, even if it's the wrong half.

All this to say that I take it personally when Bat Puchanan decides his big issue with the nomination of Elena Kagan is that there are enough Jews on the Supreme Court. Gee, on the one hand, conservatives decry affirmative action to help Blacks, and then they turn around and want a quota against Jews. I guess the idea is to support whatever will keep the most minorities down. Isn't "a level playing field" what the Republicans said they wanted? To try to evaluate someone's judicial decisions based on their presumed faith is dangerous and unreliable. I don't know if Kagan is a good or bad choice – I lack the expertise to judge. I just want her vetted on criteria more relevant than the fact that she was bat-mitzva'd.

As if that were not enough, Ann Coulter has been foaming at the mouth again, this time in an interview with Donny Deutsch. Deutsch asked her outright if it would be better if we were all Christians. It was a locked and loaded question and Coulter put her mouth around the rifle. She agreed that America would be a better place if we were all Christian and invited Donny to church. ( How can a grown man go by Donny? On the other hand, let's think about this. Donald is awful, associated with ducks and rich boors with combovers. Don, well, Don Draper is redeeming that one, but that's recent. Before Mad Men, Don was the suburban dork next door. So yeah, I get the Donny thing.) But back to Ann. Beef jerky blonde Coulter explained to the dumbstruck Donny that Jews needed to be perfected and become Christians. Donny was rightfully shocked.

I'm shocked too, and not just at the implication that Ann Coulter is somehow "perfect". Please tell me anti-semitism is not going through some retro-chic revival. I want to believe our society has evolved beyond the days of A Gentleman's Agreement. I know there are klansmen and skinheads and other creeps out there with leather-bound editions of The Protocols of the Elders of Zion, but I'd like to believe they are a lunatic fringe. I don't begrudge Ann Coulter her religion. But faith is faith, and it's personal. It can't trump the collective reality of a diverse society. Ann needs to balance her faith with the understanding that it's still a subjective belief system and not try to impose her perspective on everyone. Believers and doubters like me can coexist and even be great friends, but not if we strive to remake each other. You can pray to Jesus, Allah or Yahweh. You can chant, or meditate, or not pray at all. Ultimately, what matters is your menschitude.

Scrod.

So what is Scrod, exactly? Haddock? Whitefish? Pollock? Cod? All of the above? Some sources define it simply as "immature" fish - the veal of the sea. In Cape Cod, where my parents used to have a summer cottage, scrod is simply the catch of the day - white, breaded and hopefully, fresh. But to my sister and I, scrod was a state of being. This used to be our lame joke as kids, when we'd be lobbying for pizza and our parents would pick a seafood restaurant and make us eat fish. We'd groan, look at each other and mutter "We're scrod."

Lately, it's occurred to me that we could use more scrod in the vernacular. And not because it's more genteel than "screwed,". When Katrina hit, and New Orleans was left to sink or swim, you might say they were screwed by FEMA and "heckuva job" Brownie. (You could also find some weird reason to blame the Almighty but we have Pat Robertson for that.) 1,836 people died in the hurricane but the survivors kept on keeping on, making gumbo, playing music, and selling real estate to Brangelina. But what about now that the Big Easy is getting coated in petroleum goo? What about the barrier wetlands that were in the process of being rehabilitated and are once again ruined? The three species of endangered sea turtles that may no longer be endangered because they're probably all dead? The lines forming for ten dollar an hour jobs cleaning up beach tar for BP, aka Big Polluter, because the fishing, shrimp and oyster industries have been destroyed?

This time, there's no picking themselves up and pluckily persevering. New Orleans hasn't just been screwed. It's been gutted, scraped, battered and totally fried. New Orleans, and the entire Gulf Coast, is scrod.

Eye on the Tiger

I hate golf. The snail's pace, the early morning tee times, the business-shmooze aspect, the historically all-white-male club culture, the lumpy terrain and buzz-cut grass. I'm the freak who actually drove down 17 Mile Drive bitching about how the golf courses had ruined the landscape. If Jack Bauer were to torture me, I could probably name five golfers: Arnold Palmer, Lee Trevino, Nancy Lopez and Tiger Woods. Ooops, that's four. No, Jack, please, not the electrodes! But as much as golf to me is the television equivalent of Ambien, I admit I've been following the saga of Tiger's wood. It's been a welcome diversion from the Healthcare Bill. Besides, my husband is in control of the remote at all times, so it's not like I can avoid the Tiger tales.

So now, right during Augusta, Nike has put out an instantly infamous spot (No, I will not provide a link. If you are that out of it, you probably don't care). The video is a single shot of Tiger, looking sheepish. The audio is an old clip of his father lecturing him, seemingly from beyond the grave, and asking if "he learned anything."

Well, let's see. What could Tiger have learned?

Don't send incriminating text messages?
Never piss off a female Viking?
Keep it in your pants unless it's time to shower, pee, or have sex with your beautiful, blonde wife?

How about keep it in your pants long enough and you will start hallucinating that your dead father is talking to you? Tiger is almost 34 years old. A grown man with two children of his own who is way past getting lectured by Daddy, even if the old man is yelling at him from a cloud. The spot attempts to strike a "boys will be boys" chord and it works, if that's what you already believe. The wink-wink-nudge-nudge-way-to-go-stud crowd doesn't need to be convinced to keep backing Tiger. The how-dare-you-break-your-marriage-vows-and-publicly-humiliate-your-wife set isn't budging either. Nor is my subset, the people who can't stand phonies and hypocrites. The folks who didn't give a fig about Tiger's private life before, during or after the scandal still don't care. About the only people who could possibly change their opinion are those who believe Tiger is a "sex addict" who can be cured through therapy. And in fact, if he were to carry around a recording of his dead father's voice and play it every time his, uh, club wanted to swing, it would probably be a pretty effective "cure". Nice implants, Brandy, hold on while I switch on this tape of my Dad...

We had a long and spirited online discussion about this spot in one of my linked in writer's groups. People thought it was brilliant, stupid, creepy, clever, tacky, classy – it was a concerto of opinions. Some speculated that the spot was written by a 22 year old, an age bracket that can still wilt before a disapproving Dad. Others suggested that people who speculate about the copywriter's age are embittered old has-beens. One old school (as in strategic) copywriter posted the following questions:

what does that spot sell?
who's its target audience?
what's the expected take-away?
what benefit might it have for the brand?
why should people care?

I couldn't answer any of them.

I posted the spot on facebook, in a message addressed to my advertising friends. To my surprise, it's the non-advertising people who started commenting. The thread went on and on, and a lot of strangers chimed in. All the comments were about Woods' character, or lack thereof. Tiger was a slimeball. A great athlete with a right to a private life. A sick man in need of therapy. A vulnerable human being exposed to constant temptation. The spot was long-forgotten, it was all about Tiger.

And that's the thinking behind that Nike commercial: it keeps people talking about Tiger. Once Nike decided not to drop him, they couldn't pass up a buy like the Augusta telecast. To do a heroic great golfer spot would have been goofy – we all know what he's been up to the past few months. All that rehab, groveling, meeting with attorneys and cold showers three times daily. There was no ignoring the proverbial elephant in the room, not to mention his wayward trunk.

Nike has a stellar advertising history, but any spot featuring Tiger the athlete would inevitably be about Tiger the womanizer. So they made a brilliantly simple spot that could be instantly deconstructed and spoofed on You Tube, with the parodies spreading like H1N1, all across the social media universe. Within the first 24 hours, somebody had already done a version with new audio featuring Tiger's infamous voicemail to...whatever her name was (sorry, I left my Enquirer in the bathroom).

As an old school strategic type myself, I too tried to understand the messaging, the goal, the benefit to the brand. It's all beside the point. The spot is a clean slate - you can stick on a new voiceover, slap on some color supers, guaranteed to pop against that black and white film, add some porno chickaboom boom background music – the possibilities are endless. As will be the stream of parodies. And the one constant throughout will be the swoosh on Tiger's shirt.

Guidelines for Taglines

Well, I did it again – blathered online to a perfect stranger and ended up with a blog post.

A lady in Women in Consulting, a networking group I belong to, emailed the following question to the WIC community at large:
I am looking for guidelines or best practices in designing a "tag line" or phrase that describes a company at the highest level. If you have suggestions or sources for such guidelines, please send them along.

I wanted to help her, but more than that, I wanted to help the unfortunate copywriter who might have to toil under someone who believes there are rules to this sort of thing. So I wrote up this nifty guide to writing taglines:

While there are no specific rules to writing taglines, there is a process. The actual tag line writing just requires a talented writer with an agile mind. The important work is strategic, and that happens before you ever think of a tag line. You have to consider:

• The size and focus of your company. If you have a very focused, b-to-b type business with a limited array of products and services, you might want to have a really hard working, granular tag line that says exactly what you do. You're small. You're not going to have to fold a huge array of products under one tag. Your advertising budget is limited and your tagline needs to work extra hard. Lets say you make latex surgical gloves and that's it. So you end up with something like The hospital glove people or Your patients are in good hands. (Tell your inner critic to stuff it. Not writing actual tag lines here, just giving examples, OK?) But what if you are making the leap into other surgical accessories? Then, you might want a more general line about your surgical expertise. Nothing else can cut it. Perhaps your business plan is to expand into other latex products, in which case your strategy might be about all things latex. You are Experts in Latex. No, that sounds too much like Perverts in Leather– but you get the idea.

• What if your company is enormous? At that scale, your tagline has to be more of a topline statement. Perhaps it's a positive spin on what you do – Disneyland. The happiest place on earth. GE. We bring good things to life. Another way to go might be a call to action – Just do it. Obey your thirst. Or a promise. You're in good hands with Allstate. We try harder. Note how you can stick the NIKE and GE lines on just about anything those companies make and they'll work. The important thing is to have an umbrella line that evokes some kind of emotion and still manages to mean something. Just do it is motivational. It tells you to get off your butt, but it also believes you can succeed. Perfect for sports stuff. We bring good things to life is comforting, almost cozy. Note the use of "good" and "life" in one sentence. It subconsciously evokes the phrases "Life is good," or "the good life." Just right for appliances.

• Product benefits Are your latex gloves so sensitive surgeons feel like they're operating with their bare hands? The healing touch. Or Because nothing should come between you and your patients. (Again, just illustrating a point, not saying these are great. Great, I charge for). The benefit is one way to go, but another one is a pain point. Are your hospital gloves less likely to break? Strong hands for Surgery. On the other hand, don't try to shoehorn more than one or two benefits into a tag line. Strong, yet delicate is fine for your gloves - two benefits, but it kind of works because there is some tension in the fact that strong and delicate are opposites. Strong, delicate, and available in six yummy pastel shades, on the other hand, is no longer a tagline. It's a cut line for a catalog photo.

• Your competition. Do you have an indisputable advantage - are you better, stronger, smaller, more portable,easier to fix, less breakable, more cost effective etc.? (Make sure the advantage you choose to lead with isn't some small technical thing that is meaningless to the end-user. Nobody cares if your surgical gloves come with an extra finger). If you have an edge over your competition, use it. Is your advantage temporary because the other guy is coming out with the same thing next year? Then, you might want to proactively own that benefit, so that your competitor is a me-too by the time they roll out their product. If you choose this route, you need to be able to spend, spend, spend before your competitor's launch. Also, don't just look at your competition from a product standpoint - look at what they are doing creatively. Make sure your line doesn't take the same position as, or sound too similar to, theirs.

• Your target. Whether you're targeting consumers or other businesses, shell out for some focus groups. You just might be surprised at what you learn. What are the perceptions of your product? Your competition's product? What are the top pain points? It's conceivable you might hear your future tag line come out of someone's mouth! If possible, invite your writer to the focus group and pay her for her time. If she's any good, she's strategic, and she'll want to attend. If she's REALLY good, she won't even mind suggesting a tag line that emerged fully formed from the ramblings of a focus group participant.

• Your budget. The less money you have, the harder your line needs to work. Fluff is not for the faint-of-budget.

• Tone. Attitude can be great or completely wrong for the product, target or category. Nobody wants a catheter with attitude, but a snack food? Why not? Humor can be endearing or a huge mistake. Just remember, it has a short shelf life. Bragging about the fabulosity of your product or company is a no-no unless you bring it back to the consumer. GE's We bring good things to life may seem like bragging if you look at it just using your left brain, but switch on your right brain and you'll discover that line is actually about the end user. We all have a life, we can all use toasters or cell phones.

Career Advice from an Ad-broad.

Hey, kids. Just got carried away on linked in when someone put out an APB for advertising career advice. Then, it occurred to me that maybe I know something, so I'm gonna share. Here, in no particular order, are a few pointers for your survival.

Learn to keep your mouth SHUT. I learned this the hard way in my early thirties. I was a gossiping fool. No more.

Beware of sociopaths. There are a few out there that stay on the right side of the law and will stab you in the back for their own amusement. I've only met one, but I still have the scars.

Watch out for people who present themselves as the most down to earth, outspoken person in the room. That may mean they are keeping it real or it may mean they are playing you because they know your type. The "what you see is what you get" player is the most dangerous workplace con artist there is. See sociopaths.

Don't be afraid to say what you think, but get the lay of the land first. If you are working for someone who surrounds himself with yes people, you may have to keep your mouth shut. If you are working for someone who invites opinions from the staff and sometimes acts on them, keep that job!

When you get a new head honcho, watch who's kissing his/her fanny and how he/she takes it. If the boss is susceptible to flattery and all the sleazeballs and slackers are suddenly golden, get the hell out of there as fast as you can. You've entered the bizarro world.

Be nice to everyone, from the receptionist on up. Maintain a team spirit and positive attitude.

Learn to apologize. People appreciate it, you'll feel better and it helps keep your ego in check.

Keep your ego in check! Get over yourself- everyone else already has.

Don't indulge in the idiotic "us vs.them" mindset with your account people. You're better off befriending them. They'll find you entertaining, and you will appreciate an occasional reality check from a level headed account person.

Take your deadlines dead seriously. Pretend you will have to commit Hari Kari if you blow one.

Don't do the chronically late thing. No one is that special, except maybe the owner of the company.

Try your darnedest not to lie - in business and in life. Liars almost always get caught because they forget what they said and to whom. One exposed lie and your credibility is tainted forever.

Spare everyone the name dropping of glamorous agencies you've worked for. Guess what? No one cares, and you're not there anymore. Which doesn't mean you can't share a good war story.

If you're funny, great. If you're always the funniest person in the room, take it down a notch. (Cracking wise is like Tourette's to me and I am always checking myself so I don't start riffing)

If you're cute, young and female, lucky you. That's an extra trick in your arsenal. Just don't dress like the office sex pot. Older women will resent you and men won't take you seriously. Trust me, unless you come to work in a burka, people already know you're attractive. Save the tube top and butt-grazing mini for Saturday night.

Don't dominate the meeting unless it's your show. Disagree diplomatically.

Never get drunk at the office Christmas party, or any other professional function. Nobody ever forgets the girl whose strapless dress fell down or the guy who puked on the boss' shoes.

Watch the line between gallows humor and a negative attitude, and don't cross it.

Don't call in sick when you are not. You'll get found out. I know a guy who lost his job because he forgot he'd already killed off his uncle. I know another guy who "caught" what one of my female colleagues had been out sick with. Only problem was, some of us girls knew the real reason our friend couldn't come in: killer menstrual cramps!

If you have young children, suck it up and find a way to sometimes stay late or come in on the weekends, even if you have to bring your spawn with you. Childless people resent being the default slave because the breeders have to go to all their kids' soccer games and it really isn't fair. (I have kids btw and I lived by this when they were little.)

If you're gonna cry, go to the ladies room. If you're gonna yell and throw things, don't.

FOR MANAGERS ONLY:

If you supervise people, remember to handle them individually. Some thrive on praise, others on intimidation, still others want and deserve a more egalitarian approach. Always temper criticism with praise unless you are dealing with the slacker from hell. Give people a second chance, explaining clearly where they are falling short. Then, if they don't get it together, don't be a wimp. Get rid of them. Yes, it's a tough economy, which means there's someone really deserving out there who needs that job and will give it the attention it deserves.

Never cuss out or humiliate people, unless you truly covet the title of office douche bag.

Give credit where credit is due. If you head a team, don't just bask in the glory of their work. Tell others who the shining star was. It's fair, and it endears you to the troops. Stand up for your people if they are being maligned or treated unfairly.

If you are the creative director, act like one. You are not competing with your team. You are inspiring them to greatness, or at least greater competence. If you're all working on a big pitch, it's your job as creative director to pick, tease out and hone the best idea - which may not be YOUR best idea. Being a pig about this is the quickest way to turn your staff against you. Keeping all the TV or other plum jobs for yourself is porcine behavior as well.

Be open to other opinions. It's actually possible you might be wrong.

Don't dance around substance abuse. If someone has a drug or drinking problem, do the HR thing. Warn them, send them to rehab if necessary. They are sick and need help. If, however, the situation continues after the intervention, keeping them makes you an enabler. Do them a favor,and let them go. It could just the come-to-Jesus they need.

Liberally consult people with an expertise different from yours.

Know how long it should take to do a job and keep an eye out for dawdlers. Time dumping is not cool.

Respect the damn hierarchy. Yes, people under thirty, this means you. Even if your boss is an idiot. Don't go over your boss's head unless you have a true HR issue like harassment. No matter how friendly you are with your supervisor, he/she is the boss of you.

Patriotism is not enough.

Dear Presidential Aspirant,

I don't need you to start off your speech with how much you love America. We all love America. All of us involved in the political process, donkey or elephant, are engaged in it because we love America. Your implication is clear: only you and your present company truly love America and you are gathered here today to defend her from the rest of us. Which is a crock.

Here's what I want from my politicians, especially would-be presidential candidates.

Dignity and decency. If you are having extramarital sex, writing lewd emails to underage male pages or creating blackmail fodder for yourself by doing the nasty on film, guess what. It will out. It always does. You could bring down your party along with your sorry behind. Don't run for anything. Well OK. Run for for cover. The Enquirer's coming.

You have to be smarter than me. If I can see the gigantic pothole in your thought process, that is not a good thing. I am smart, but I am certainly not smart enough to be president. If you are not brighter than I am, neither are you.

The ability to think on your feet. No, I don't care too much about verbal jousting though it's fun to follow. I mean have a grasp of the facts and understand how things interrelate. If you are running for president or vice president, I expect you to know your stuff enough that you can go on Meet the Press, a right of passage nobody gets to blow off. This means you, Sarah Palin. And while I'm at it, darling, I want to thank you for inspiring this entire rant. Credit where credit is due.

Which brings me to honor. A quaint concept, I know. If you were elected to do a job, then do it. Don't quit after two years "for the good of your state" and then think you can run for president for the good of the country. (Sarah, are your ears burning?).

A knowledge of history. Because it's true that it repeats itself. No, of course not literally, but you see patterns of behavior, tactics that have backfired, cruelty, greed and hubris - all opportunities to learn and therefore act more judiciously. I want you to understand our allies and enemies. What they may owe us in treasure or gratitude, what we may have done to piss them off, how we get along with their rivals, what our balance of trade is, what kind of a human rights record they have, whether they're in bed with people we don't like... I want you to already know all this. That would indicate that you are truly intellectually committed to Presidential leadership. You're INTERESTED in this stuff.

Personal experience with diversity. Know and interact with people who are culturally, sexually and ethnically different from you, and have friends and acquaintances from other nations. It's essential to factor in cultural relativity when you conduct foreign policy. It's also important that you don't perceive yourself as the leader of only the part of America that looks and thinks like you. In your heart, you must understand that you represent everyone.

Class. Of course, it would be nice if you had some. But I'm talking about class as a barrier to advancement and a predictor of poverty. You need to know how much people struggle, and care about it deeply. The fact that there are children in America who miss dinner on a regular basis should enrage you.

I know you're going to spin things - you're a politician. So spin away, but I ask that everything you say be grounded in truth. Don't ever lie to me or lie about your opponent. You will earn my lasting contempt.

It's important to me that you not think your candidacy is divinely ordained. People who "know" what God thinks or wants terrify me, and I certainly don't want one running the country. Whether or not you believe is your business and something only you would know.

I need to be sure that you are motivated by what's good for this country, not what's best for you.

Finally, can you look in the mirror and believe that you are up to the task of running the most powerful nation in the world? If that's not the case, then why are you running? And how much can you really love America?

God in the cross hairs

Lately the weather has not been fabulous. It's what's known here in the Bay Area as the rainy season. Days upon days of endless drizzle. Well, no, not quite: On a good day, some time between noon and two o'clock, the sky is suddenly swept clear of clouds, the sun shines gold on everything and... on, false alarm. The clouds are back. Anyway, you can't really plan a hill walk under those circumstances, because you could find yourself slipping precariously down a muddy incline and teetering at the top of an impressive drop off. So instead of my usual walking meditation in Briones Regional Park, I decided to drive over to the top of Berkeley, park the car and walk the neighborhood at the crest of the hill.

This entails strolling through a nice sixty year old neighborhood, past the Lilliputian Sculpture Garden, and up short, steep incline to the Pacific Lutheran Seminary. It's the back entrance: You walk in through a carport and there's a little latched gate. The Seminary is small and unassuming, despite its choice hilltop location. The views are mostly obstructed by trees, but it's quite possible that from the Manor house, visiting clergy can look out the window and see San Francisco Bay on one side and on the other, the verdant hills of Tilden Regional Park.

Anyway, it's quiet up there. There's an asymmetrical (aren't they all?) modern church at the top of the hill. It starts out ugly but grows on you over time. Sometimes I try to open the door to check out the architecture from the inside, but it's always locked.On occasion I might encounter another dog walker or a couple of small boys but it's rare that I see an actual seminarian. I do have an idea of their mindset, though. They are inclusive,tolerant souls. Last election, they had a lot of signs up condemning prop 8. One beatup old car had a bumper sticker that read "God wants faithful fruits, not religious nuts."

It's peaceful up there at the Pacific Lutheran Seminary. I'm a die hard agnostic, but I can sense the kindness and generosity of spirit that pervades the place. And so, as I cut through their modest campus yet again, I can't help but think to myself, these are not the kind of people who would approve of putting bible verses on the cross hairs of a rifle.

It's scandal enough that the Michigan-based Trijicon arms company is endangering the lives of our soldiers by encoding bible verses in their view finders. Reflect on Corinthians as you blow Mahmoud's head off in the name of Jesus Christ. Think it's harmless, maybe even inspirational? Trijicon probably does. Their themeline is "Brilliant Aiming Solutions." How sterile, how bloodless, how slick. But consider this: we are using Jesus rifles to train the Afghan Military. Be grateful that nation has 10% literacy or they would have already turned those rifles against our guys. Just what Bin Laden needs to fuel his propaganda. Proof, to his mindset, that we are crusaders waging a religious war. What is this communicating to our Christian soldiers? That they are killing in the name of Christ? What about our Jewish or Muslim soldiers? Should they be proselytized to as they risk their lives, just because they've been issued a Jesus rifle?

And what about poor Jesus? How is it right for his name to be co-opted by the military Industrial complex and used like some kind of peekaboo prize on a killing machine? What would Jesus do? What would he think? Who would he shoot?

It won't be long now

before there are more yoga teachers than students. And, contrary to the cliche, just because you can do doesn't mean you can teach.

Give me some skin.

I think I'll make a deal with my son, just to get him to drop the whole tattoo argument. He's not 18 yet, so we still have 15 months before he goes all human canvas on us.

Here's the deal: you can get a tattoo now if your parents get to pick the design.

Dave and Stephanie and Regina and HR

I don't judge anybody by their sex lives. As far as I'm concerned, consenting adults can consent to whatever they want. Just please don't tell me about it. Still, I'm glad I'm not married to David Letterman, whom I never met despite having once shared a corporate suite and bleachers with him at the Indy 500 – entirely another story. Anyway, I suspect poor Regina Lasko, who waited the guy out for twenty years, has long made her peace with his philandering. It seems he likes funny, smart, nerdy girls who wouldn't be out of his league in the real world. The crew and production team must be crawling with them. So what's Regina to do if the Late Show women are there for the picking, like craft service M&Ms? As the old Irish proverb says, "What cannot be cured must be endured."

But that's all between Dave, Regina, Stephanie, the tabloids and only Dave knows who else. It's the work thing that bothers me. Some office romances are kinda kosher. Like Sam in Accounting and Jan in Human Resources. But the head honcho mousing around with assorted female staff members is completely uncool. Dave's ladies, however innocent or sincere, will have a red I-had-sex-with-David-Letterman-to-get-ahead on their foreheads for the rest of their careers. Women who won't play with Dave, or are too old, or otherwise not Dave's type will be bitterly resentful and despise Letterman - not really an emotion one wants to elicit in one's employees. Men will state ruefully that they can't get ahead at The Late Show because they don't have tits.

I don't know that any of the above is happening at The Late Show but on the work front I've seen it all. There's never any hiding these relationships. The couple smolder at each other, close a lot of doors, have too many private jokes. People notice, people talk. Incessantly. "What a lousy decision. Wonder if it was HER idea." "Did you hear Martha got promoted? Wonder if SHE slept with him too." "No, I'm not going to the conference. The boss is bringing her boy toy."

When employees conclude that the playing field is not level, they lose faith in the company leadership. The boss has proven him/her self all too human, and people start to question management's decisions. If the economy is good, intelligent employees may feel they have to leave to get ahead. Meanwhile, the slackers find it easier to stay under the radar or rationalize their lack of advancement. Bad for morale, bad for productivity, bad for quality control. There is simply no upside for an organization when the person at the top is fooling around with the staff. Unethical. Disruptive. Tacky. Really stupid human trick, Dave. By the way, did you notice that honey in the editing suite? A little broad in the beam, but I hear she went to Columbia.

Yes, I know, Regina. He makes you laugh.