There goes your tip, sweety.

My heels are so cracked, they're starting to look like a dried out lake bed in the late 21st century. I listen to Oprah. I know the drill. Love yourself! Take time for yourself! Pamper yourself! It's pedicure time.

I bury my head in US magazine while a pretty young Asian woman works on my calluses. (Why are pedicure ladies all Asian? Isn't it enough that Asian women have bird bones and teeny tiny waists? Do they have to have perfect feet too)?

The aesthetician looks up at the US's smiling cover shot of Jenny McCarthy, commenting "That actress used to be so slim, but now she's getting fat".

"Oh well," I reply, "she's getting close to forty. It's hard to keep your weight down past a certain age." "What about you?" the young lady asks. "Were you slim when YOU were young?"

I've just spent 4 weeks on South Beach and was feeling borderline svelte. And I guess I tend to forget how old I am. Thanks, Oprah. Next time, I'll do my own feet.

PS Of course I tipped her anyway.